Faith vs. Fear

Hope is the anticipation that the outcome will be good.
Worry is the anticipation that the outcome will be bad.
Faith is the anticipation that whatever the outcome, it will be for our good. - Anon.

I shared this quote before...back on this post. I felt a lot of hope and a lot of peace during that time but somewhere between then and now I got turned around. There are lots of factors really. Somehow after going through so many months of really hard trials (i.e. within a 3 week period I had a new baby, found out I had melanoma, and Darin lost his job) I forgot how to relax and fully enjoy life for the moment it is. Since we got to Ohio I've felt like I'm constantly on pins and needles waiting for our next 'big trial', waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for bad news. I hope I'm not the only one who has ever felt this unwarranted anxiety before. It keeps me up at night and gives me a stomach ache all day. It is stealing my joy. I know that the Lord doesn't give us fear, He gives us faith which is peaceful even during the worst storm. My favorite scripture is

Isaiah 41:13

For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
That is my prayer today, that I will stop fighting invisible enemies and count my many, many blessings.

Hope you are enjoying your weekend.

God Bless America, land that I love.

A New View...

It's no secret that we were sad to leave El Dorado Hills. I have such beautiful memories from living there. One of the things I loved the most was the beauty of the land, the views. Wow, everyday I said a silent prayer as I drove, walked, or ran - thanking the Lord for the beauty of the land. I thanked Him for the views. After we found out that we were moving I had to stop my trail runs because I couldn't stop crying every time I saw these views...I wondered how I would live without them. Beauty is inspiring...and this place was the most beautiful to me.

Or so I thought. A few days ago the kids asked if they could have a picnic out in the front yard. I said sure and helped them pack a basket, find a blanket and advised them to head out to the shade. As I looked out the front door, I was taken aback by "the view"...the Lord had an even more beautiful view in store for me. Yep, I teared up a bit and headed out for a closer look.

The closer I got, the more beautiful it became....

The sound of laughter added to the beauty.

And then it was overwhelming...


...I love the Primary song, "There is beauty all around, when there's love at home."

I know that my Savior loves me and I'm so happy that He blessed me with such a beautiful view.

We're all settled and would love to hear from you.

xox

Ohio Lunts

Happier Times Do Prevail...

I don't have much time but wanted to do a quick update.

1. Allie and Kate got a new look - no braces for Allie and glasses for both of them! I think they look adorable!

2. Kate turned 7 on the 27th and Allie turned 9 on the 29th! I made them these dresses for their bdays. (The vintage-looking fabric reminds me of a dress my mom would have made us during the 70s. I'll post a link to the tutorial for these dresses later. ) We also celebrated in....

3. Disneyland! So much fun and lots of work with 4 kids during Spring Break Week...whew, a lot of people!

4. CUTE. CUTE. CUTE. She is tooo much fun!

5. It *seems* that we'll be moving at the end of the month but who really knows. I sure don't. I have learned that it's best to just roll with things...so I could wake up tomorrow and find out that we need to move immediately or I could wake up in 3 weeks and find out that something has fallen through with the house we are going to rent, or maybe I'll win Publisher's Clearing House...yep, all possibilities at this time.

6. If you're still reading you should know that #1 is April Fool's!!! Those are Darin's old glasses but the girls do look super cute in them!

Love you all and we'll keep you posted as details come together in our lives....

Free and Clear!

Thank you so much for the many prayers, phone calls, and emails. I am happy to report that the doctor removed all of the melanoma! For the next year I have to go to the doctor every three months, if they don't find anything else I'll go every six months, and after two good years I will only need a check-up once a year. I do have a 4 inch scar on my back but that's a very small price to pay...it'll probably just make me look tough. ;-)

(PS. Don't forget to schedule an appointment for yourself.)

Hope and Faith

Hope is the anticipation that the outcome will be good.
Worry is the anticipation that the outcome will be bad.
Faith is the anticipation that whatever the outcome, it will be for our good. - Anon.

Got some bad news Friday - Melanoma. I hate that word. Like really, that is an ugly word just like the word mole..eww. I don't like saying either of those words. Anywho..the 'mole' was removed but I have to go back in two weeks to have more skin cut away to see if they got it all. The Doctor removed 3 more moles though and that has me a tad worried...well at times I get overwhelmed by anxiety and worry but then I try really, really hard to lean into my faith and find peace. Darin gave me a blessing (a special prayer) that really brought me peace and faith that all will be well. I LOVE that feeling when Heavenly Father answers your prayer and your worries melt away and you feel peace flow over you. I know that waiting for the results of the other 3 moles will be the hardest part, it will take about 2 weeks and that seems like an eternity away. Patience, real patience is such a gift and I'm grateful for it because the option is to indulge in worry and anxiety...I hate those feelings but by nature I am inclined to be anxious. So the next two weeks will be a wonderful opportunity to feel patient peace...to reflect on that blessing and to grow closer to my Savior and to my family. My hugs will linger, my prayers will be longer, and I will find time for all the things that I put off for 'another day'. Yes, things get put into perspective quite quickly don't they.

We've had some good news around here too...

Allie has braces and Kate lost a top tooth!

Allie was sooo excited and apparently "All of the girls in my class followed me into the bathroom after lunch (the day she got the braces on) just to watch me brush my teeth!" It's all she's talked about for days now ;-)!

Also, Kate is wiggling that other upper tooth and it should be out just in time to make it on her Christmas list..."All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth. "

The Buckeyes Won Yesterday! (Sorry if you're offended by this pic, but it had me laughing out loud and running for my camera...die hard fan I tell ya!)


And then there's this beauty who has me wanting to forget the dishes and laundry to just cuddle on the couch...Heavenly.




...Home can be a Heaven on Earth.

This video is exactly what I need to hear daily!

Finding my way...

I just read Jessica Nye's account of life with a newborn which inspired me to update my blog with what life is like now.


This pregnancy was by far my most difficult. It was very. painful. I cried a lot. I prayed a lot and I begged God to let my kids forget it. The pain really affected my mental state - I would say I had a low-grade depression most of the time. That was new for me. Once I realized that the pain wouldn't be going away I just started to pray that I could feel happy. If I could feel happy, then maybe I could enjoy time with my kids. The few days and/or weeks where I felt happy made the pain tolerable. I didn't want my kids to remember what a grouch I was, nor how many times they had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. Not the best chapter of my life.


Delivery was amazing. As I told Darin, "It was my finest hour." hehe I was so blessed. The Lord answered my prayers and everything went smoothly - epidural, great nurse, small baby, epidural..some blessings need to be counted twice. Of course the best blessing is Scarlett!


Postpartum. Happy. Yay, no baby blues but baby highs! My list of physical problems keeps growing, but what a blessing to feel happy.

Nursing...yikes! As my mom said, "Well Sarah I guess you know you're not a Holstein!" (that's a dairy cow.) I've NEVER had good luck with nursing and it breaks my heart. I want to nurse so badly but it seems my body isn't meant to. With my other kids I thought they were colicky...as it turns out, they were just hungry. Sad that it took me 4 babies to figure that out! So after going through all the pain and blood in the first stages of nursing, I thought I had it worked out....except that two weeks in my milk started drying up. Seriously?! How is that possible?! I'm doing all I can to make it to the 6 week mark but truly, after I nurse her she still drinks 2 -3 oz of formula. Ya, I'm fighting a losing battle. Has anyone else had this problem? I even have a hospital grade pump, drink lots of water, take Fenugreek, eat oatmeal...what else can I do?!

Scarlett is happy, sleeps lots, burps lots, hates baths and is constantly getting loves from her family. Darin walks in the door each day and declares that it's "his turn". Roman gives Scarlett lots of kisses and shares Elmo with her. Allie and Kate love to hold her and both got to feed her a bottle which is very grown-up of them. I cuddle her every second I can!

(new computer, no pics on it, so sorry.)

Would You Hire Yourself....interesting question

This week a friend posted an interesting question on Facebook...."If I had to hire a mother for my children, would I hire myself?" What a great question! I've definitely thought this over quite a lot. No, I'm not looking to hire another mom but somedays a clone would be nice.

I would have to answer this question by saying that yes, I would hire myself as my childrens' mother BUT I need to fire myself as a cook and housekeeper. haha Actually, those two areas give me great grief as a mother. I'm the mom who takes her kids to the park but in the back of her mind feels guilty that the dishes from the night before are still in the sink...I start to think "What am I teaching my children? Am I teaching them to have fun before they do work? Am I teaching them to be irresponsible? We probably should have done the dishes together so I could teach them how to clean BEFORE we came to the park!" Ahhhhh the guilt that can live in my head is crazy.

I think the comfort that comes to these guilt-ridden moments is knowing that our Heavenly Father has confidence in us as their mothers. I know that prayer can bring answers and comfort when we feel we are short of our goals.

In all seriousness, I think we all beat ourselves up over things that we do as a mother and the guilt that we feel on a daily basis can be paralyzing BUT the "paydays" as my friend Toni calls them make the job amazing!

I'd like to end with some of my proud mommy moments this week...

Roman has SERIOUS food phobia issues - he has problems with certain textures which cause him to gag and so he is COMPLETELY afraid of trying new foods. I've read books on this, prayed for hours about this, put him on a waiting list for therapy...it haunts me. Truly he eats maybe 6 different things. Period. Well this week the Easter Bunny answered my prayers....turns out Roman WILL try new food in exchange for a candy. Call it bribery if you will but I promise you'd be jumping up and down if he were yours! We aren't done with this problem but this week has been amazing!

Whew - that was long. Today I taught Allie and Kate how to sew a button and how to hand-sew a pillow. They were thrilled and the pillows turned out really cute.

Now that I've revealed a tiny insight into *one* of my weaknesses as a mother, I pose the question to you. Would you hire yourself to be the mother to your children? Food for thought.

PS - I think my baby countdown gadget is a tad creepy...I think my real baby looks wayyy cuter than that....and don't get me started on the weird umbilical cord!

Happy Birthday Travis!

Happy Birthday Travis! I miss you more than ever and think about you every day! We celebrated your birthday today at a park that I would have taken you and the kids to. You can see the Sierra Nevada mountains from there. It was so cold (well 40 degrees!) and a storm was coming in so the balloons went up and away so quickly that I'm quite certain they made it to Heaven for your party there.

Much love and many happy memories when I think of you!

Can't wait to see you again, love you, Sarah

Because curious minds want to know...

I know you're hoping to see me with a bib and eyepatch....but here's what I'm really looking like. I know it could be MUCH worse and I really can't complain. Thanks SO MUCH for all the LOVE!!!

This was just a week ago! See, huge progress!!!

Bell's Palsy

You may have heard that I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy this week. You may not have ever heard of it so here's a link to more info.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell%27s_Palsy

Basically the left-side of my face is paralyzed but only temporarily (hopefully). I could recover anywhere within 1 to 6 months....I'm planning on setting a new record for quickest recovery. In the meantime I'm taking some seriously hot, pouty-faced photos; wearing a precious bedazzled eye-patch; and making a bib that says, "Don't worry it's not contagious or permanent!" in rhinestones. Ohhhh and I'm collecting all fun straws, twisty, bend-y, etc. So. fun.

The worst part is that I can't taste on the left side..which apparently is where the chocolate taste-buds are. :( I seriously do have to use a straw to drink and it's hard to eat which is why I need a bib ;) ha.

The best part is that I feel blessed. Lots of people have called and emailed or facebooked which is thoughtful. I also feel very peaceful about things that were a big worry to me before, things that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing or needed to do better at. I haven't shed one tear about this, I know it's not life-threatening or permanent. The Lord works in mysterious ways and right now it's through a half-paralyzed face (which is like a free test run at Botox!).

Last Days In Ohio...

Last day for the best pancakes and best company ever! Miss you guys!

Last day at our house :( That was a hard day for all of us. We had sooooo many wonderful memories in that house. Each baby came home there, learned to walk there, opened presents there, made messes, and made my life bliss....at least they got to come with me, even if we had to leave the house behind.

I can't believe it's been a year. I miss you more than ever. These songs make me think of you and always make me cry...even when I hear them in public!

Things I Miss About You...
1. Your mischievous side....pranks, jokes, pokes in my sandwich when I'm not looking.
2. Your smile.
3. Your laugh and how your shoulders go up and down when you try to hold it back.
4. When you put your hand on one of the nephew's head and hold them back while they try to hit you or when you smash Kelly and Marianne's heads together and say "Twinses". I dunno but it always made me laugh.
5. Your tuna salad sandwiches. Is it Ritz crackers or Saltines?
6. Your advice.
7. Your knowledge about EVERYTHING!
8. When you make the babies dance and do karate. HILARIOUS!
9. Your "Fred Astaire".
10. Our LONG talks late into the night. I miss those the most.

The last time I saw you was a perfect memory. I was visiting the family and asked you to go to church with us. You said that if I would iron your shirt you would. How could I say no?! (you always got everyone to do stuff like that for you and I don't know how!) We got to church and there you were in the parking lot in a beautiful creamy white Armani suit, blue shirt (that I ironed), with Kaleal in tow. He looked equally handsome. Your smile was so bright. That Sunday was a "Fast and Testimony Meeting"...interesting how tomorrow is too. You were sitting in the middle of our family on a long pew. I knew that I had to stand and share my testimony that day. I didn't know if we would ever be all together again on such a Sunday and if I'd ever have that opportunity again. I'm so glad that I did. I can still see your face in that congregation when I close my eyes. After church we all went to Mama and Daddy's for lunch. It was really perfect. I imagine that's what Heaven feels like...surrounded by people you love.

If you were here today I'd ask for a hug and time to sit and talk. So I will spend time doing those things with all the other people I love, I know that's what you would do.

PS. I'm sorry that I sat on your head when you were a baby...repeatedly. Not cool, I know. Also, I'm writing this under the assumption that you have Internet access and time to read blogs. ;) Love You.

FYI - Something Everyone Probably Wonders About...

I know lots of people wonder about our church. I've had lots of friends attend church with me and I wish I'd had a video like this to prepare them for what to expect. Anyway, enjoy!

Oh, and for any of you fellow Mormons out there, I encourage you to put this video on your blog. I'm sure you have lots of friends who are secretly wondering what we do for 3 hours on Sunday! (just go to Mormonsmadesimple.com and you'll see the code to embed the HTML on your site. super easy.)