Happy Valentine's Day

(video is set to music so turn it up ;-)

This was honestly one of the best days of mine and Darin's life.   Although this was taken in 2011, I'm so excited for the great things coming in 2012.

How we helped Roman overcome severe food aversion AKA - Seriously Picky Eater

Roman in his Ninja-warrior stance.  Adorable.

I decided to write this post after several friends asked us what we did to help Roman overcome his eating issues.  Major disclaimer here...I am NOT a therapist, only a mother who did what she felt was right, these ideas may not work for everyone.

When Roman was first trying baby food he immediately had difficulties.  He just didn't want to eat solids.  Period.  He was my third child and I had never had problems with getting my girls to eat anything but Roman was not having it.  I sweetened the cereal with his formula, tried a tad of sugar, tried it warm, tried it cold, no matter what I did he just cried and gagged.  With time I got him to eat some cereal and eventually some baby fruits and veggies but even from the beginning I could see that he had problems with different tastes and textures but I had NO IDEA WHAT WAS AROUND THE BEND.

By the time Roman was two years old he had only progressed to eating 5 different foods. He was so picky about those foods that I couldn't vary the brand or he would know and would refuse to eat it.  Introducing a new food was like asking him to eat a lizard, he would shriek and cry, run away, hide in a corner...I can't even properly describe the fear I could see in his face.  So we backed off and thought, "Hey, he's a boy they all end up eating at some point."  Let me also make it clear that we are not talking about normal picky-eating tendencies...he had a real fear of new food.  My daughters were always great eaters, they bragged about being part of "The Taste Testers Club" and would always give new food a taste...no I was not the kind of mom that served as a short-order cook at meal time...that is until Roman.

As time went on we realized that his eating habits were affecting his life and ours in a very inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing way.  "Oh, Roman still eats baby food?" other moms would ask...you can imagine the judgement we got from other parents.  Darin and I were worried about Roman and decided we had to dedicate ourselves to this problem now or it would only get worse.

 At Roman's next doctor's appointment I asked the pediatrician what we could do and of course he said this was normal and Roman would outgrow it.  I tried to explain that it wasn't normal picky-eating behavior and the doctor finally said, "Well you could try this therapist who specializes in childhood eating disorders."  Great, I got her number and immediately called for an appointment...I was quickly disappointed.  The therapist was booked out for a year!  They put Roman on a "waiting list". (I never heard back btw.) I asked what I could do in the meantime.  The office suggested this book, "Just Take a Bite."

I started reading the book and jotting down ideas.  Darin and I also put a LOT of prayer and fasting into this.  We knew other people with the same issues and could see how it was affecting their lives as adults and we didn't want the same thing for Roman.  In the beginning I thought, can you imagine the day that he will eat a sandwich like other kids?!  I didn't know how it was going to happen but I knew we'd figure it out.

We started with the goal of getting him to eat foods that we commonly ate or that he would need to eat at other people's homes.  It probably sounds weird because I mean, who has the goal of getting their kid to eat chicken nuggets?  I sure did a happy dance and cried when Roman ate his first one! Ha.  Much to our delight now, he still doesn't care for them.  No biggie.

These are the steps or rules that Darin and I came up with...mostly by trial and error.  I think it was really inspired for Roman and hopefully it can help your child too.

Rule #1
Start with one food in mind.  Don't try to introduce something new everyday.  We started with green beans because he seemed slightly interested in them and we eat them quite often at dinner.  It probably took us 3 weeks to get him to eat them regularly, so don't assume this is an overnight trick.  In the beginning we let him play with them.  Everyone stacked their green beans up and made towers or something.  Touching the new food was the first step.  Eventually we got him to take a bite (see rule #3) He still eats green beans without a problem.

Rule #2...maybe Rule #1
Be patient!!!!  Do not EVER force food into your child's mouth.  This will only create a bigger problem.  When the child gets to the point of tears, back off.  Allow them to eat what they choose with the family...do not send them to their room or create a punishment.  You want them to see that eating new things is a reward.  Now there have been times when Roman has refused to eat a food that he had already mastered, and then we tell him that he doesn't get dessert if he doesn't eat it, but we did not do that in the beginning.

Rule #3
Incentives work - learn what motivates them most!  In the beginning (again you may shudder at this but in the big picture it totally worked) we bribed bites of new food with candy.  Yep, we sure did.  We would buy smarties and for each bite of a new food Roman took, he earned a smartie.  If your kid doesn't care for candy, skip the candy and choose something they enjoy.  We only used candy the first month.  Ohhhh and quite often I had to make the food talk.  For example the green bean would be on the fork and I would say, "You'll never eat me!  I'm too tough for you." Instantly Roman would play along and say, "I'm tougher than you, I'll eat you in one second....." You get the idea, lots of time and involvement but it worked.

Rule #4
Change the incentives up.  In the beginning it was candy but pretty soon magical things were happening at the dinner table.  When Roman would take a bite of a new food it would cast a spell on one of the chairs at the table...suddenly the chair would move.  Roman laughed and laughed as he put spells on each member of the family and our chair would fly back from the table.  One night we had Mexican food and every time Roman would take a bite of the dish, it would cast a spell on Darin and he would only be able to speak Spanish.  Again, this was motivating to Roman...you have to think through what your child enjoys.  Another time we had a chicken dinner and every time he ate a bite, a member of the family would have to do the chicken dance.  Yes, dinner time got VERY lengthy, crazy, and fun; but he was enjoying the time with us at the table, he felt in control, and he learned to love the food....and to trust us.  After each meal I would tell him how proud I was of him for...eating the new food, or tasting the new food, or touching the new food, or licking the new food...whatever step he took, I made sure he knew that it was enough.

Rule #5
You don't just have to try new food at the table.  Once when we were having hot dogs and Roman refused to try them, Darin took his plate outside and set up the t-ball set.  Every time Roman hit a home run and would run around the bases, he would take a bite of hot dog...and that is the story of how Roman began to like hot dogs. Ha

Rule #6
Once they have mastered a new food, be sure to include it in the menu at least once a week to make sure they remember that they like it.  Now Roman will ask me, "Mom, do I like this food?  I can't remember?" and of course I always say, "Oh this is your favorite." wink. wink.  Generally he believes me.

I will never forget the day that we sat down to dinner (something new) and Roman took a bite of the food without any hoopla or circus.  Of course, I teared up because while the above steps might seem simple to you, believe me that it was a long and exhausting process, more times than not it was so frustrating that I wanted to give up...and so on that night when Roman started eating with the rest of us I totally teared up and looked at Darin and said, "Do you realize what just happened?"  Of course he did too.

Today, Roman takes a peanut butter sandwich - or as he says, "Peanut butter and jelly but without the jelly and no crust" to school on days that he has lunch there.  He ate black eyed peas at dinner tonight.  It took me a good thirty minutes of making a blueberry talk like a ninja to him at lunch to get him to eat it but wow, what progress!

If you're going through this, just know that there is a mom out there who doesn't judge you when your 3 year old ONLY eats baby food veggies, Wal-Mart (only) brand oatmeal, one flavor of Dannon yogurt, and Ritz Crackers.  You're going to make it through and so are they but don't give up and don't wait to start.  Say a prayer, listen for inspiration, and be patient.

Good luck!  I'd love to know if you're dealing with this too!

PS - Roman is having his tonsils removed next week...they are HUGE (practically touching each other), cause crazy snoring and sleep apnea and now I wonder if that perhaps caused some of his choking problems in the beginning. Interesting to me, but who knows?!

PPS - Baby No. 4 will eat ANYTHING...even salsa by the spoonful....yep, each kid is different!

Sometimes he's not a Ninja.